Wednesday, 25 January 2012

The 3D Menace


So, The Phantom Menace is being re-released in theatres in 3D.

I think that at this point, any doubts that we once had about the Star Wars prequels being nothing but total cash grabs can now be removed from our brains.


The film, which was first released in 1999, has been widely recognized as something of a disappointment, by both critics and fans alike. And by this, I mean it was little more than a piece of fucking garbage that was made for no other purpose than to sell crappy toys. 

Oh God why?

But nevermind that. I’m not just going to recycle the same things everyone’s been saying for the past decade.

The underlying fact is that it’s commonly accepted as a shitty movie.

However, this does raise a couple questions; most notably:

WHY IN GOD’S NAME IS IT BEING PUT BACK IN THEATRES???
This is honestly so baffling to me.

On a related note, George Lucas has announced that he’s retiring. When asked if he'd be making any more Star Wars films, he’s said: “Why would I make any more, when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?”

So is that what this is all about? Is re-releasing the prequels George Lucas’s way of giving us a final “fuck you” before throwing in the towel?

“lol they hated my last 3 films… so im gonna make them watch 'em again”

I’m going to stop myself there. To be perfectly honest I’m not as much of a Lucas-hater as it might seem. In fact, I feel kinda sorry for the guy. Here’s someone who had a large influence in creating two of the greatest franchises of all time (the other one’s Indiana Jones in case you’ve been living under a fucking rock for the past 30 years) but now seems to get nothing but hatred from people who once practically worshipped him.

But then, of course, he created this.

The truth is that I love Star Wars. Hell, I just love movies in general, which is why it saddens me to see someone who was an otherwise great filmmaker basically destroy his image like Lucas has.

Let’s get back on track though. Phantom Menace 3D.

Are we really still on the whole 3D thing? Not that I’m trying to open up the big debate here. I know that people have all kinds of opinions as to whether or not 3D is just a gimmick or if it’s here to stay.

Personally, I’m not for or against 3D. I’m just for good movies. If anything, the problem that I have with 3D is that somehow when 3D movies are being produced, storytelling tends to get left behind. It’s about time that filmmakers began realizing that viewers want special effects to be used only as a tool for good storytelling. They don’t want an excuse for a story to be used as a device for showing off special effects.

This is why I personally find that the best 3D movies are the ones where I forget that I’m watching a 3D movie. If a film’s storyline is engaging enough mentally, who cares if it’s in 3D or not?

You see, Mr. Lucas, when we said your movies lacked depth, we didn’t mean…aw fuck it.

But wait. Isn’t this the exact same problem people had with the prequels in the first place? Despite the fact that the movies may have been visually pleasing, the stories seemed like they were written by an 8-year-old.

Did the Hollywood executives responsible for coming up with the idea of re-releasing The Phantom Menace really think that we would just forget how goddamn terrible it was if it were in 3D? It’s as if they think that putting on glasses will somehow cloud our judgement for 2 hours and make us like the movie more.

I honestly don’t know what’s worse: Hollywood producers thinking that they can get away with shit like this, or the fact that they’re probably right.

“IT’S A TRAP!”

Sadly, I’m not sure even Admiral Ackbar can save us from this one.

1 comment:

  1. It's simple, people recycle shit so that the previous shit will be less shitty than the current one, aka 3D. Then they force feed the more shitty version to dogs who unwillingly accept it and ends up paying more attention to the previous one. But don't worry, the later sequels will make it all better; except for the second one, you're ass will hurt for sitting over two hours and for just waving your phone on the ground looking for your other phone the has an app called "Shit-o-Metre" specializing for 3D movies.

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